A Tale of Ugly Old Men

It’s been awhile since I got chatted up by men. Perhaps it has something to do with always having either one or both of my children with me. Perhaps my son's pacifier hanging conspicuously from my handbag serves as a Men Repellent.

Or – let’s just accept the truth, shall we – I’m just not what I used to be. Jeans size a bit larger, under eye bags a bit darker, hair very “mom-like” and un-trendy … Basically, we got old. Excuse me, I mean I got old.

Therefore, I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that time moves on and, after having 2 children, gravity seems to have more of an effect than before, if you catch my drift. So it took me completely by surprise when one day, while I was enjoying a coffee and scone by myself at the hospital, an old man (emphasis: OLD) came up to me and said, “You’re eating alone.”

Oh dear GOD help me. Quick, start reading a magazine.

"Yes I am." Magazine looks really good now.

"Why are you sitting alone?"

Ooooohhhhh dear ……

"Because I like to." Back to my magazine.

"When are you going to invite me to share that with you?"

Switch on my Super Very Irritated Look. "I'm NOT."

Slight hesitation. Could it be the message finally got through all that toupee?

"Here's my card."

Jeez. He doesn't give up. "No, thank you."

"No, really, take a look at it."

Looks like some pensioner’s card to me. "NO, THANK YOU."

He finally got the message and after a bit more shuffling threw some magazines on the floor and walked off.

What is it with some men? Which part of no don’t they understand, the N or the O?

When I relayed the incident to my husband, he said, “You should have just given him a good karate kick.” But, I replied, I don’t hit senior citizens. That’s not nice. Then he said, “Hey, at least you’re still getting chatted up! Hahaha!”

Yes. Hahaha indeed. See, if it was a young Armani model, for example, it wouldn’t be so bad. Sure, I’d still tell him that I was at the hospital to see my gynaecologist who delivered both my children, but at least I wouldn’t be so disgusted. In fact, I’d probably be giggling away like a school girl while I wave my wedding and engagement rings as I tell him the reason I was there.

Of course I would not have invited him to share my scone with me. But, like I said, it wouldn’t have been such a repulsive incident.

One thing I learned from this episode: Leave the pacifier on the handbag because sometimes, you really do want the Men Repellent.